Happy Valentine's Day! Today, we're delighted to bring you a special edition of our "Mindful in 5" podcast, where we delve into the true essence of love in committed relationships. Beyond the customary celebrations, we uncover love as a verb - an action that we choose daily. Join us as we explore practical, heartwarming strategies for nurturing your relationship, proving that love is more than just a feeling; it's a commitment to understanding, patience, and kindness every day.
In this episode, we're accompanied by Brianna and Rashad from the "Mindful in 5" book series, who share their relatable household dilemmas, from laundry disputes to toothpaste tube tensions. Through their stories, we demonstrate how small acts of consideration and respect can profoundly impact your relationship. Imagine transforming irritation into opportunity, choosing harmony over conflict, and fostering a deeper connection through everyday actions. We invite you to listen and discover how to express love in the most unexpected ways.
But that's not all - we delve into the power of clear, direct communication, and the importance of positive reinforcement in fostering a nurturing environment for love to flourish. Whether it's navigating the journey of shared chores without keeping score or finding joy in offering genuine praise for small acts of kindness, this episode is packed with insights to enrich your relationship. Tune in to transform your approach to love, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day. Your journey towards a more peaceful, loving partnership starts here.
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HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
love, mindful, irritations, partner, hamper, socks, chores, brianna, spouse, valentine, book, resentment, dirty socks, leave, act, put, floor, series, day, pick
TRANSCRIPT
0:00 Hello and welcome to Mindful in 5, helping you discover your peaceful path. I'm your host Spiwe Jefferson, author of the Mindful in 5 book series.
00:15 Welcome to his special Valentine's Day edition of mindful in five, where we explore love, not just as a feeling but as a verb and action, particularly in the context of committed relationships. Valentine's Day often conjures images of romance, gifts and declarations of love. However, for those in committed relationships, especially married couples, love is more than just a day of celebration. It is a series I would argue of decisions made daily embodying one of my favorite phrases on this topic. Love is a verb
To help us illustrate our Brianna and Rashad from the Mindful in 5 book series. Rashad leaves dirty clothes on the floor. Brianna is frustrated. She gives him the cold shoulder when he gets home, all chipper and cheerful. And when he asks her what's wrong, she hisses nothing with all the venom of a rattlesnake.
Maybe you've responded in the same way in your household, or you can choose a different path. Picking up the clothes and placing them in the hamper without resentment is an act of love. It's about choosing harmony over conflict, understanding over judgment. In relationships, the concept of chores being split 5050 often leads to a tallying of who did what breeding resentment.
What if we approached chores as we did when we were single, committing to do 100% without expectation. You might find that your partner noticing your efforts naturally starts contributing more not out of obligation, but out of love. Now, let's talk about the small irritations like the toothpaste tube.
Let's suppose Rashad hates the way Brianna squeezes the tube. Rather than letting this become a point of contention. Imagine how differently this might go. If he comes home one day and delights her with her favorite kind of toothpaste, one that he doesn't use. Then, he lets her squeeze it out ever she likes because now she doesn't abuse his toothpaste to this small act is a practical manifestation of love and respect for each spouses preferences. More importantly, a peaceful path was found to arrive at a solution that satisfied both spouses.
Many of us, particularly women, tend to harbor resentments expressing our dissatisfaction indirectly, the cold shoulder or the passive aggressive nothing. When asked What's wrong, does not foster understanding or change. And contrary to what we women believe and what we think should be obvious. Men are not and have never been mind reader's. Instead, try clear, direct and kind communication. For example, instead of saying to your partner, I hate it when you leave your socks on the floor. You could say, Honey, I would really love it. If you put your dirty socks in the hamper. You might be surprised at how often your spouse might simply say, okay, sure, and actually do it. expressing your needs positively can lead to surprising and joyful changes. Trust me, I've tried this in my house myself, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been surprised at how easy it was to change something that was an irritation to me. And all I had to do was ask nicely.
And then, when your partner does respond positively and you see those socks in the hamper, avoid saying snarky things like well about time. Instead offer genuine praise and appreciation Hercules, Hercules Hercules, when he does put the socks in the hamper. This positive reinforcement encourages continued considerate behavior. And be honest, don't you like it when your partner encourages you and says positive things about your behavior? Doesn't it make you want to behave better?
Sometimes Patience is key. If the dirty socks are still on the floor, and you can't pick them up without feeling resentful, it's okay to just leave them. Let your partner notice and address the issue on their own. The goal is to either act or not to act without harboring resentment. In other words, if you can pick them up and put them in the hamper without resentment, and without pointing it out and making declarations to your spouse, then do that. If you can't do that, then leave them on the floor. And just let them be. After all, a pair of socks on the floor is not the end of the world. Even though it might feel like it to you in the moment, just leave them. Sooner or later, he's either gonna run out of socks, or he's going to realize they're a mess and pick them up.
So, this Valentine's day and every day, I invite you to go within and find creative loving solutions before resorting to conflict with your beloved, before you poke at them for what they haven't done around the house. Consider your own chores and what you have neglected. Until you yourself are perfect. You're not ready to force perfection on your beloved. Love as a series of daily decisions is about understanding, patience, and choosing your battles wisely. It's about acting with love, even in the face of irritations and disagreements. And if you don't feel loving towards your spouse, act it anyway. After all, there may be times when you don't feel like going to work, but you do it anyway. Or maybe you don't feel like being social. But the moment you walk into that get together, you put on your smile and act social anyway. How much more should you behave lovingly toward your most cherished life partner, even when you don't feel like it?
Thank you for joining us this Valentine's Day edition of mindful in five. May your day be filled with love, not just in words, but in thoughtful, considerate actions. Consider starting each day by spending at least five minutes reflecting on how you are going to show up in a loving way to your spouse. Remember, love is a verb. Let's live it every day. Until next week, this is v Wade saying Be mindful and be well.
James@DiscovertheVoice
8:49 Thank you for listening to Mindful in 5. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend. Follow and rate it on your favorite podcast platform. Pick up your signed copy of the book in journal from SpiweJefferson.com or unsigned copies from Amazon, Barnes and Noble or wherever you get your books. Visit SpiweJefferson.com to download sample chapters of the book, watch videos and become a mindful ninja. Join us on the LinkedIn Mindful in 5 group and share your thoughts. Until next time, be mindful and be well.