Mindful in 5 Podcast

Build Confidence Through Self-Care with Dorothy-Inez

• Spiwe Jefferson • Season 3 • Episode 59

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“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
— Diane Von Furstenberg

Making intentional efforts to take care of yourself is essential for your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. Treating yourself with patience, kindness, and compassion can energize, empower, and leave you more confident. 

Understand that you are brilliant work in progress—and you need to make room for yourself out of your busy life for that brilliance to shine brighter! Self-care creates space for you to focus on the things that make you unique. It allows you to recover or discover your worth—ultimately feeding your self-confidence. 

Dorothy-Inez joins us again on Mindful in 5 to discuss how self-care and confidence are intertwined. This is a conversation about stopping to reflect on your well-being and being gentle with yourself as a priority. 

Listen in to learn why and how to practice self-love as part of unlocking your most confident and authentic self. 

Key Topics Discussed

  • How do confidence and self-care intersect
  • Why should you take time off your busy life to practice self-care?
  • What does self-care mean? How do you practically infuse it into your everyday life regardless of your situation?
  • What kind of self-care really matters?
  • What steps can we take to build our confidence from the inside-out?
  • Can you build confidence without the self-care component?

Links and Resources

Connect with Dorothy-Inez


More Links and Resources

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

self-care, work, confidence, book, mindful in 5, feel, joy, intersect, impacted, practice, Spiwe Jefferson, mental health, committed, physical health, super, talked, Dorothy-Inez, support, optimism

TRANSCRIPT

00:03 James@DiscovertheVoice

Do you long to feel more joy in work in life? Do you want to reduce stress and sleep better? Are you looking for healthy ways to cope? Join Speedway, Jefferson, center phi mindfulness practitioner and lawyer and learn to operate from your peaceful path, harness the power of mindfulness meditation to feel softer, more clear, supported, and cheerful, starting with just five minutes a day.

 

00:36 Spiwe Jefferson

Well, Hi, and welcome to Mindful in 5. Today we are talking about building confidence through self-care. My name is Spiwe Jefferson, and I have a returning guest who is absolutely amazing. And she is my guest, Dorothy-Inez. I encourage you, if you missed the first episode that we did, there's a link in the show notes for this one. But if you didn't listen to that already, you don't have to listen to it to enjoy this one. But I absolutely encourage you to check it out. So Dorothy-Inez, thank you for coming back and welcome to Mindful in 5.

 

Applause

 

01:23 Dorothy-Inez

I'm back!

 

01:23 Spiwe Jefferson

So, confidence and self-care sounds like they go together as I think about it, but unpack for us how the two intersect. 

 

01:38 Dorothy-Inez

As I was telling you, when we were preparing for this, I said Spiwe, you've made me go back and pull out my thesis work, you know, you made me go back into the vault on this. And so when I was going back, and I was looking at - because I really love this question, I was like, yeah, how do confidence and self-care intersect. And so in the previous episode, we talked about how confidence is about taking courageous action. And so confidence is based on - and I'm gonna give you the book definition here - is based on the belief in your abilities, your skills, talents, and your personal power. 

 

And so, one of the things I found out - that the center of confidence in wellbeing wrote that as you develop your confidence, it requires that you develop a positive mindset, self-compassion, self-esteem, optimism, which is an attitude of hope, and your emotional wellbeing. Do those not all sound like self-care? 

 

Self-care is so required as you develop confidence, because your self-esteem can be impacted, your sense of hope can be impacted because as you get turned down, turned down, like if you're an entrepreneur. Or let's say, you're going for that the promotion and you keep not getting them. All these things impact your mental health is impacted. So, all of this requires that you practice self-care. 

 

Well, what is self-care? Let me give you the book definition of self-care. Self-care is taking action to preserve your health. And that's your physical health, your spiritual health, your mental health. So yes, they intersect.

 

03:42 Spiwe Jefferson

Ah, well, I completely agree with you. But there are lots of, especially - you know - busy professionals, busy parents, just busy adults, who would say, Well, that sounds lovely, but first of all, self-care sounds like a luxury. And it's one that I just don't have the time for. And so, what would you say to them?

 

04:08 Dorothy-Inez

Well, first thing I'd say if you don't practice self-care, you won't have any time because you might end up dead. Self-care, I mean, just keeping it real. You know, me, girl, I’m a’ keep it 100. 

 

Okay. When we don't practice self-care, we open ourselves up to disease, which is dis ease in the body. We have to make time for it. And the thing is, is a lot of times when I did a 21-day self-love challenge a couple months ago, the women came in thinking, oh, we're going to be going to the spa, we're going to be getting our nails done. No girl, you're not. That is not self-care. 

 

Self-care is as simple as what you teach, Mindful in 5 you can be mindful in one. Make it fun. Finding space within your current schedule. So, all of us go to the bathroom, right? Well, while you sit on the potty for five or 10 minutes, you get mindful in five. You can take a few deep breaths. 

 

We all take showers, right? There's another opportunity to just breathe in, breathe out, set an intention while you're brushing your teeth set an intention for the day. It's all about being creative and being committed to bringing it in to your life. I had to be honest!

 

(Laughter)

 

05:43 Spiwe Jefferson

Those are super practical, because, you know, I think we make time for the things that matter to us. But I think sometimes when people think about things like self-care or meditation, they're thinking about sort of the Eat Pray Love model where Julia Roberts goes off to find peace for you know, a treck for three months, or whatever it was, and they - and it‘s daunting, right? So, to bring it down to just the super practical aspect of - infuse it into what you do every day.

 

06:17 Dorothy-Inez

Yeah, already, like going to work. A lot of people have a commute. Can you create a - can you listen to a guided meditation? Can you create a playlist that brings you joy that ups your vibration for the day? How about saying no to things that really don't bring you joy? We often say yes to some things because you know, we've got FOMO fear of missing out. 

 

How about you just start saying no, even if you have the time? I always call this, the art of the sacred no. It’s saying no, even if you have the time to do stuff. You just said that - you just got to like take that minute that you don't have the kids around - that you don't have any work and just take that for you. 

 

Choosing to drink out of a glass or a mug that makes you feel good. When you're at work - like when you get your coffee, that instead of just grabbing your coffee, how about you go, I just love the smell of this tea or coffee, and go about your business. It's that. 

 

How about eating a healthy lunch? Today, I'm going to choose a lunch that's full of vibrant colors, that makes me feel energized rather than lethargic. I'm going to go out into nature and just sit outside for five minutes on my break, instead of going you know, and just staying in the building or going to the break room – it’s so simple.

 

07:44 Spiwe Jefferson

Yes. And it doesn't matter what your situation is. There's always an opportunity to find something that brings you joy. I live in Minnesota, you're in Minnesota. And you notice in the summertime, the thing that brings me the most joy is, I will take five minutes out of my workday, and I'll just go stand outside. 

 

And I graduated, I would tell all my coworkers I'm working at my porch office! Being outside, feeling the breeze and feeling the sunshine on my skin, I'm just like, oh, this is amazing. And it doesn't matter what's happening, right? You could be like - in the middle of like a super difficult negotiation. It is like, wow, this is really hard. 

 

08:27 Dorothy-Inez

Laughter

 

08:30 Spiwe Jefferson

But just take a minute to just be amazed by the fact that the sun came out yet again today. And yes. So I think it's great. But also, it makes the point as you're describing these things that it doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to cost. It's just finding things in your natural habitat and taking time to savor and experience. 

 

But if we assume that all self-care is not equal, what kind of self-care really matters, and what does it feel like in the moments when we do it well? Is there anything else we haven't covered?

 

09:10 Dorothy-Inez

Yeah, well, the self-care that matters is sleep. 

 

09:16 Spiwe Jefferson

Ooh.

 

09:17 Dorothy-Inez

…is your diet. (Laughter) Your diet? What are you putting in your body? Are you moving and you know, I hate the word I always say you know, and I know a lot of people who go, I hate exercise! And I know because I will say, I hate exercise. But I love movement. I love - I call it sacred movement. I have a sacred movement practice. And I love moving and so for me it's dancing. What kind of movement can you incorporate? That makes you feel good? 

 

Mental Health. Taking care of your mental health is huge, especially in this time. You know these - it's just that's so key who you surround yourself with. That's a huge one because it can make you or break you. Are you around people that all they have are negative things to say, because that affects you on so many levels - affects who you become, affects your mental health, all of these things. So that's huge. 

 

And then you say, well, how do I feel? Well, really, you have to just decide and notice rather than not decide, but notice, how do these things make you feel? I will tell you, when I do these things, they give me joy, they give me peace, because like I have a little side hustle, I do. And I realized that you know what this, I like doing beauty. But this particular form is not bringing me joy. So I just said, no. I told the person I want to help you because I was feeling a little obligation. I said, you know what, girl, I thought you were committed to only doing what brings you joy. So, I let that job go. So that's what you know, and you feel energized. When you do these things, you feel inspired, when you are taking good care of yourself.

 

11:08 Spiwe Jefferson

So are there specific steps that we should take in order to build that confidence from inside out.

 

11:15 Dorothy-Inez

So, I would say get honest with yourself, take an inventory. You know, sit down, get a journal, and be willing to be honest with yourself. Get support, enlist the support of a coach, a mentor, personal development, really make your personal development a priority. You and I talked about how we love audio books, you know, like, yeah, the library 100 books. I got a library of physical books. Find things that inspire you. Get into trainings, you know, you talked about a training platform that you use, that's virtual.  

 

And then update your look, I always say it's fun to update your makeup, your style, all of that is reenergizing. I just had a friend here this week, and we did that. Learn to just play. Still, you know, as we get older, we want to be in this box. Just learn to play a little bit.

 

12:13 Spiwe Jefferson

Can I just pretend to be confident? Do I have to start from inside? Like, can I just have the look and kind of fake into like, sort of... Can I build it from the outside in? I guess maybe it's another way to say it, can I sort of fake it on the outside and hope that I can eventually feel it on the inside? 

 

12:33 Dorothy-Inez

Yeah, you can, you can go ahead and fake it. And you know, go ahead and fake it. But I don't know if you'll make it - is the thing. You have to do - you have to be willing to do the work. Because when you're faking it, like we talked about earlier, people feel it. And so, you have to be willing to do the work. You can start with the outside, but you have to have the intention of going inside. Doing the work requires courage. So you have to be courageous enough to do the work.

 

13:09 Spiwe Jefferson

And can I build confidence without the self-care component? I mean, it doesn't sound like it as you describe what that is. But can I sort of power through bullying myself? Or somehow talk my way to greater confidence? Or does that not work either?

 

13:25 Dorothy-Inez

Oh, absolutely. You can. You can bully yourself and talk your way through it. But the thing is, is that you'll suffer because you're not taking care of yourself in the process. Like we talked about all the things that are impacted. And when you don't have self-compassion, now your self-esteem is impacted and your mental health. All these things are impacts. So, you can push, push, push, and then what you end up with is depression, burnout, poor physical health. And like I mentioned, even death. 

 

So it's very important that we practice self-care. 

 

14:03 Spiwe Jefferson

Yeah. And so to recap, this is really good. So what are the key thoughts that we should take away from this conversation? 

 

14:11 Dorothy-Inez

The main thing is that self-confidence and self-care go hand in hand. They are complementary to each other and they're vital to practice together. You can make time - we have…If Oprah and Beyonce can do it, and I don't want to hear about bah ah, they got chefs and blah, I don't want to hear about it. You can make time if that's what you want. You have to make yourself a priority.

 

14:40 Spiwe Jefferson

I love it. I love it. I love it. Dorothy-Inez thank you so much for joining us today. And on that final piece about making time. You know, I remember I had a friend of mine who's a general counsel at a really big company. And I was amazed because I had this goal of going to the gym have like, you know, three to five, three. But if I made it three times a week, I was like, woo hoo! And went, like every day, he went five, six days a week and sometimes it was for at least an hour, sometimes two. And I remember saying to him, he's a general counsel at the time, and I was just an Associate General Counsel. And that was like at least two steps below where he was. And I was like, how do you do that? How do you find the time? And he said to me, Well, if I can give my company 10 to 12 hours, on some days, I can surely take one or two for myself. And I think he probably said that maybe 10 years ago, but I've never forgotten it. Because it is that idea of putting yourself first and it's, it's almost like giving yourself permission to put yourself first. Because then if you start with that, if you fill yourself, then you've got something to pour out for everybody else you encounter. Whereas if you don't do that, you've got nothing to give, and you've got nothing to share that’s of any – like - real value.

 

16:07 Dorothy-Inez

Exactly. Exactly. You hit the nail on the head right there.

 

16:14 Spiwe Jefferson

Well, Dorothy-Inez, thank you so very much for joining us today on Mindful in 5. And everybody, look for the notes for how you can connect with that Dorothy-Inez in the notes for this session, and visit her, contact her, DM her but yes, thank you so much for coming. We appreciate it.

 

16:36 Dorothy-Inez

You're very welcome. And thanks for having me.

 

16:39

All right, everybody. That is a wrap. And until next time, this is Spiwe saying be mindful and be well.

 

16:49 James@DiscovertheVoice

Thank you for listening to Mindful in 5. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend. Follow and rate it on your favorite podcast platform. Pick up your signed copy of the book in journal from SpiweJefferson.com or unsigned copies from Amazon, Barnes and Noble or wherever you get your books. Visit SpiweJefferson.com to download sample chapters of the book, watch videos and become a mindful ninja. Join us on the LinkedIn Mindful in 5 group and share your thoughts. Until next time, be mindful and be well.