Mindful in 5 Podcast

Emotional Intelligence at Work

• Spiwe Jefferson • Season 5 • Episode 145

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Ever wondered how the emotion thought bridge can transform your workplace interactions? Discover how this innovative five-step technique can help you turn intense emotions into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. Learn to pause with gentle awareness, name your emotions with curiosity, and identify underlying thoughts with compassion. Assess the validity of these thoughts and challenge any assumptions to invite a more joyful perspective. In this episode, we share practical tips on navigating strong feelings like frustration and anger, fostering self-compassion, and ultimately creating a more harmonious and supportive professional environment.

Struggling with idea ownership in meetings? We tackle this common issue head-on, offering strategies to reclaim and assert your contributions effectively. By setting internal boundaries and centering your intentions before stepping into the room, you'll maintain composure and communicate more confidently. Emphasizing the vital role of emotional intelligence, we guide you through recognizing emotions as signposts for personal growth and authentic connections. Plus, we introduce downloadable blueprints designed to enhance your emotional clarity and foster joyful professional relationships. Elevate your work life and build a supportive community with Mindful in 5.


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Mindful in 5, where busy professionals find your peaceful oasis to thrive in complex work environments. I am Spiwa Jefferson attorney, certified mindfulness practitioner and author of the Mindful in 5 book series. Here to guide you to a clearer, softer and more supported life. Join me and your fellow Mindful Ninjas as we explore science-backed mindfulness strategies for successful leaders that you can implement, starting with just five minutes a day. Elevate your work, empower your life. Work higher, live stronger. Let's go.

Speaker 1:

Do you struggle to navigate workplace relationships, your interactions clouded by misunderstandings and emotional turbulence? Poor emotional intelligence can disrupt the peaceful flow of your workday, leaving you feeling unsupported and disconnected from the joyful potential of collaborative success. Today, our topic is emotional intelligence at work. We are exploring emotional intelligence at work, bringing a clearer, more cheerful approach to your professional interactions. And if you're wondering about the cute kids in imagery this season, we are embracing the beginner's mind by channeling childlike qualities trust, authenticity, creativity, resilience and optimism to transform our mindfulness practice and daily lives. Let our playful cover art inspire you to approach each day with fresh eyes and an open heart. So back to our topic. Imagine moving through your workday with a calm sense of emotional clarity, fostering joyful connections and resolving conflicts with ease Sound too good to be true. By developing your emotional intelligence, you can create a softer, more harmonious work environment.

Speaker 1:

Let's explore a peaceful technique called the emotion thought bridge. Here's how this clear process works. When a strong emotion arises, pause with gentle awareness. Name the emotion, bringing cheerful curiosity to your inner landscape. Identify the thought behind the emotion, seeking clarity with compassion. Then ask yourself is this thought based on clear facts or clouded assumptions? If it's an assumption, challenge it softly, inviting a more joyful perspective. So let's put it in practice. So this is five steps that I gave you. So, first thing, let's suppose a strong emotion arises. Now we're going to pause with gentle awareness. So let's say that you are in a meeting and somebody says something that you find triggering, right? Let's suppose that you made a suggestion and somebody else makes the same suggestion two seconds later and everybody thinks he's brilliant.

Speaker 1:

And now you're mad and you are annoyed, and so your strong emotion is I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated. I feel angry because of the situation, and maybe you are also frustrated because this is not the first time this has happened. So we get to the second thing name the emotion bringing joyful curiosity to your inner landscape. So now we named a couple of things. I'm angry, I'm frustrated. This is not the first time this has happened. But go deeper. Think about the other emotions that sit behind that. Why are you angry? Maybe you're angry because you feel discounted. Maybe you're angry because you feel like you are not being valued, like your contribution is not worth as much as the person who just said the same thing you just said. And so those are the emotions that sit behind, and maybe behind that there is fear. Anger is often a secondary emotion, so behind the anger, maybe there is fear. Fear that because I'm not valued. Fear that perhaps my job at some point may not be viewed as being as worthwhile as the person next door to me. Maybe, if ever there is a day when my boss has to make a decision, then I will be the first one to either be cut to be let go to be, you know, whatever, because my contribution is not valued, Fear that I might spend the rest of my career spinning my wheels trying to be seen and trying to be heard, and nobody's ever going to hear or see me.

Speaker 1:

So if you take step two, you name the emotion. You identify in step three the thoughts behind the emotion. You're seeking clarity with compassion. What is really going on here? Why am I really upset about this? Is it just anger to be angry, or is there something more that's sitting behind this? Or is there something more that's sitting behind this? And because we are exploring with compassion, you are also not chastising yourself for the emotions that you're having.

Speaker 1:

I say all the time mindfulness is about being present in the moment, without judgment and without being overwhelmed by what's happening around you. And so that is. It's a lot easier to say than it is to do, because so many of us judge ourselves over everything. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't be thinking this. I am so ungrateful why I am sitting at the table, Am I not? You know, why am I having these thoughts of being discounted? Why Just the other day, this and that happened?

Speaker 1:

And so this idea of identifying the thoughts behind the emotion, and naming the emotion and seeking clarity with compassion is really just about accepting how you're feeling, and it's accepting the clarity of how you're feeling and why you're feeling without judging yourself for feeling that way and without gaslighting yourself for feeling that way. So then we take ourselves to the next step. Ask yourself is this thought based on clear facts or clouded assumptions? Maybe it's one, maybe it's both. Maybe the idea that you're being discounted is based on clear facts, because this is not the first time this has happened before them before. Maybe you can factually articulate the last couple of meetings or the meetings where you've sat with this particular individual, where they have taken your ideas and on the one hand, maybe they gave them credibility so the ideas could take root, but on the other hand, you feel like they're taking credit for your ideas.

Speaker 1:

And so is this thought based on clear facts or clouded assumptions? And maybe there are clouded assumptions because you're making assumptions about what this person's intentions are. Maybe you have enough facts to know what this person's intentions are. This is somebody who does this to other people. They take credit for other people's ideas. This is somebody who does this to other people. They take credit for other people's ideas. This is someone who consistently will regurgitate my ideas as if they are his own, and he will not give the credit back to me when somebody says Bravo, hercules, hercules, this is how this person operates. So maybe you've got some facts, but the point is just explore what's really happening and then we get to step five.

Speaker 1:

If it's an assumption, challenge it softly. Am I just sensitive? Am I just sensitive because this has happened to me before, because maybe I'm bringing my own sense of imposter syndrome to the table? Am I just sensitive because of other things in my background and in my history and in my baggage that I am bringing to the table and laying at the feet of this other person, and maybe that's unfair. And if that's true, how do I invite a more joyful perspective? How do I reframe this idea that I'm being discounted? And I would argue that, even beyond that thinking, the question then remains what are you going to do about this? Maybe about this, maybe and these are my suggestions because I feel like every professional, wherever you are, whoever you are, may have found yourself in exactly this situation where you feel like somebody else took credit for your work and your ideas and you did not get a fair shake. So one solution might be to gently reclaim the credit. So when you know Johnny says the same thing you just said, you capitalize on it and you jump in with exactly Johnny that's exactly what I meant when I said that a moment ago and then you advance the idea because, after all, it's your idea, right? Or, if you prefer, you can address it with Johnny in the background. So if this is something that Johnny does consistently and it's not just you, or even if it is just you, maybe you might choose to go and have a conversation with Johnny about it. You, maybe you might choose to go and have a conversation with Johnny about it.

Speaker 1:

Johnny, I notice that when we have meetings. Sometimes I might make a suggestion and two minutes later it sounds to me like you make exactly the same suggestion and when people perhaps respond well to it because now they've heard it twice you don't seem to acknowledge that this was my idea and I want to talk about that and maybe you and Johnny can come to some terms. Or maybe you want to deal with it in a different way. You make the suggestion and Johnny takes credit, but maybe you're the one who takes over the execution for the idea and you reclaim it that way. Or maybe you send the idea out ahead of time and you socialize it with the group so that Johnny can't sit in the meeting and take credit because you already sent an email about it, sharing your idea. Send an email about it sharing your idea. Or you know, there are as many ways to address the issue as you have an imagination. But the point is, once you are clear on what the real issue is and what your real concern is, you can start to address it Because, as I sometimes like to say, you can't address what you do not acknowledge. So the five-step process is to get to a point of clarity so that you can start to come up with ways that you are going to address this thing. That has happened.

Speaker 1:

Research shows that this practice can significantly improve emotional regulation, supporting clear decision-making and more peaceful interactions. Don't we all want those? So one perspective I'd like to leave you with as we think about this topic your emotions are not roadblocks, but they are clear signposts guiding you towards more joyful and authentic connections. We like to embrace the emotions that we think of as good emotions, so we're making judgments about our emotions, and then we like to forget about or discount or try and suppress the emotions that we think of as bad emotions. Right, but this concept, this idea that your emotions are not roadblocks, it's all your emotions For God lovers, god gave you all the emotions. He made them all because he knew you would need them and he expected you to use them every single one. And so the non-judgment approach to all of your emotions the positive, the negative emotions is that they're not roadblocks for you, but they're clear signposts that guide you towards a more joyful and authentic connection, both within yourself and with others. So with that, here is your peaceful challenge for the week Practice the emotional thought bridge technique daily.

Speaker 1:

Notice how it brings a softer, more supported energy to your workplace interactions lately and I had the privilege of teaching a group of employees recently and one of the things I said to them was that the best boundaries are not the ones you set out there. They're not telling Johnny to do something, they're the boundaries you set for yourself. I will not allow other people to take credit for my ideas. Now that you have set that internal boundary, it forces you to think of ways to address it if somebody tries to take your ideas and credit for the ideas that you have. Right, that's an internal boundary that you can set for yourself. But how you respond is driven internally and it has nothing to do with making Johnny do something or not do something right, because it remains within your control. So practice this and give some thought to just be creative.

Speaker 1:

Spend five minutes every morning setting your intentions. I know I'm having that meeting with Johnny today and I know what usually happens in the meeting I get super frustrated and because I get super frustrated, I can't articulate my issue in a meaningful way that other people will understand. So in my five minutes of centering first thing this morning, what is my plan for how I'm going to address the situation right and visualize yourself successfully and calmly executing on your intention. Now that you've done that, when you get into that meeting and Johnny does what Johnny always does now you have a plan for what you're going to do instead, and if your meeting is at three o'clock, before that meeting, spend five minutes, just go back within, center yourself and remember, remember your intention, remember what you plan to do in order to address this thing and then execute with confidence. Because now that you have a credible plan of action, you can be optimistic about what that outcome is going to be, because you visualized it, you saw it and you saw success. And then now you don't even need to be upset because now you're just calmly executing on your plan. So that is the concept for today. Are you ready to elevate your emotional intelligence and create more joyful professional relationships?

Speaker 1:

There are downloadables this season that are new on spewajeffersoncom. You can access a link in the notes for this podcast, but there's a downloadables section. Now If you go to, if you're wondering where to find it, it's a subcategory under the shop section on the podcast and actually, if you just click on shop, you can also see the downloadables in the bookstore. But there is a growing library of downloadables. You can download a free overview and then you can download the paid version, and the paid versions are usually 20 to 30 day challenges.

Speaker 1:

I call them blueprints that help bring more clarity and cheerful energy to your interactions at work, and they focus on different subjects, and so just pick one that speaks to you, based on what you need in this moment, and they will give you a 20 to 30 day workbook.

Speaker 1:

20 days is if you just want to do it during the week for about a month, and the 30 day challenge, well, that's 30 days, and some of them are 30 days, and they have some bonus days there for you too, to ensure your success, and also I want to make sure that you feel like you got good value for the money that you paid for them. So check out the blueprints and I hope you try one or two, and if you have specific topics that you would like me to cover over the course of the season, let me know, and we will continue this journey together. Let me know and we will continue this journey together. So remember, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed with peaceful practice. By approaching your emotions with clarity and compassion, you are creating a more joyful, supportive work environment for yourself and others. So try that this week and see how it goes. May your work relationships be filled with emotional clarity and joyful understanding. Until next week, this is Spiwe saying be mindful and be well.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for listening to Mindful in 5. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend, follow and rate it on your favorite podcast platform. Pick up your signed copy of the book and journal from spiwejeffersoncom, or unsigned copies from Amazon, Barnes, Noble or wherever you get your books. Visit SpeedwayJeffersoncom to download sample chapters of the book, watch videos and become a mindful ninja. Join us on the LinkedIn Mindful in 5 group and share your thoughts. Until next time, be mindful and be well.