Mindful in 5 Podcast

How to Resolve Conflict

• Spiwe Jefferson • Season 5 • Episode 172

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Are workplace conflicts undermining your leadership effectiveness? Even in successful organizations, tension can derail productivity and fracture valuable professional relationships. The good news? Conflict isn't just inevitable—it's potentially valuable when channeled correctly.

This week we explore the powerful HEAR technique for conflict resolution that transforms contentious situations into catalysts for growth. This practical episode breaks down a four-step approach you can implement immediately.

Through relatable examples and actionable strategies, you'll discover how to navigate difficult colleagues and high-stakes negotiations with calm confidence. Whether you're dealing with opposing counsel who's making things personal, a teammate who's dug into their position, or a challenging client, these mindful techniques will help you maintain your composure while finding collaborative solutions.

Transform career setbacks into powerful comebacks with mindful strategies and AI tools that helped me land executive roles as shared in my upcoming book, 'Phoenix Rising - Ignite Your Job Search.' Secure your spot in our exclusive Early Bird community for pre-launch access and an intimate launch event by pre-ordering through the Phoenix Career Chronicles podcast show notes or at spiwejefferson.com today.



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Spiwe Jefferson:

Welcome to Mindful in 5, where busy professionals find your peaceful oasis to thrive in complex work environments. I am Spiwe Jefferson attorney, certified mindfulness practitioner and author of the Mindful in 5 book series. Here to guide you to a clearer, softer and more supported life. Join me and your fellow mindful ninjas as we explore science-backed mindfulness strategies for successful leaders that you can implement, starting with just five minutes a day. Elevate your work, empower your life, work higher, live stronger. Let's go.

Spiwe Jefferson:

Is workplace conflict undermining your leadership effectiveness and stalling your team's progress? Even in your most successful organization, you face moments when tension threatens to derail productivity and fracture valuable professional relationships. As a seasoned leader, you know that conflict isn't just inevitable. It's potentially valuable when channeled correctly. However, without effective resolution strategies, these moments of disagreement can erode your team's trust, diminish innovation and significantly impact your bottom line. That is why today we are talking about conflict resolution strategies. We are going to dive into a few proven conflict resolution frameworks used by, hopefully, top performing executives like you. You will discover how to transform contentious situations into catalysts for growth, strengthen your team's cohesion and maintain your organization's competitive edge, even through challenging interpersonal dynamics.

Spiwe Jefferson:

And if you're wondering about the cute kids in this season's imagery. We are embracing the beginner's mind by channeling childlike qualities. Remember those qualities that you used to have as a kid Trust, authenticity, creativity, resilience and optimism. So that is what we are hoping to remind you to get back to, to transform our mindfulness practice and daily lives. Let our playful cover art inspire you to get back to, to transform our mindfulness practice and daily lives. Let our playful cover art inspire you to approach each day with fresh eyes and an open heart. Now back to our topic. Imagine navigating disagreements with calm confidence, turning potential conflicts into joyful opportunities for growth and understanding. By mastering conflict resolution, you can create a softer, more supportive work environment where everyone thrives. You can also create an environment where you are less by badly behaved co-workers. So let's explore a technique that I call HERE the HERE model for conflict resolution, and here's how it works.

Spiwe Jefferson:

The first thing is let's come up with a scenario. Come up with a scenario. Let us suppose let's use Barry. Barry is a lawyer who works in a law firm. When we first meet him in the book Mindful in Five Meditations for People with no Time. It is the first in the Mindful in Five series.

Spiwe Jefferson:

Let's suppose that Barry is dealing with a situation that is contentious. He is negotiating or trying to negotiate with opposing counsel and he's having a hard time and, as sometimes happens in litigation and heated contract negotiations, lawyers can behave quite badly. So let's assume that Barry is faced with a lawyer who is behaving badly and he started to take potshots and make it personal and he is really just trying to irk Barry and rub him the wrong way. And Barry is no. Not only is Barry no shrinking violet, but Barry is also fairly intrepid and he speaks his mind and he's fearless, and so it takes a lot for Barry not to react and jump across the table which is what he really wants to do in a situation like this and grab that other lawyer and shake him, because Barry used to be in the military and so he's probably thinking you know, what.

Spiwe Jefferson:

I still got it. I can take him, but instead Barry uses the HERE model instead. It is an acronym. The H in HERE is for HALT stop and take a peaceful breath before you react. It doesn't matter who is irking you or yanking your chain. In a work environment especially, you always want to stop and take that peaceful breath before you react. So that's the H. The E is for empathize, try to understand the other's perspective, and for extra credit, you could even do it with cheerful curiosity.

Spiwe Jefferson:

So in Barry's case he might think okay, so this guy is taking potshots at me. What's really going on here? He's making it personal in ways that are not professional. Why is that? When Barry thinks about it, maybe he realizes that this guy is actually quite afraid. Maybe his job depends on a successful outcome for the client who's putting a lot of pressure on him. Maybe he has had other issues with this case and this is his last shot at getting a win and he has to get a win to take it back to the client and demonstrate his own value. Or maybe that other lawyer just has his own personal issues around imposter syndrome personal issues around imposter syndrome and he really needs to feel like he has value and he's getting more and more desperate in this negotiation because he's not getting his way and it is really getting under his skin. So that might be rationale that Barry, based on everything he knows about the supposing counsel, starts to realize and it's not making up stuff, it's you know what is actually true. And so now Barry has taken a breath and he has empathized. Now what? Now we get to the A. The A is ask, inquire about the needs and concerns and, for extra credit, do it with gentle interest. So, rather than Barry blowing his gasket as he's wont to do, maybe Barry starts asking questions what is it that is really worrying you about this deal? What is it that you really need? Help me understand what is it that? And hopefully that starts to facilitate a different kind of conversation.

Spiwe Jefferson:

I remember reading a book a long time ago and it was called Never Split the Difference by a gentleman named Chris Voss who was an FBI hostage negotiator, excellent negotiator, and he goes into all of these tactics and techniques. And I am not related to Mr Voss, I've never met him, I've never talked to him. I just really thought his book was outstanding and I encourage you to track down that book. It's really good and I will also include a link to the book in the notes. I usually don't link to other people's stuff, but it was a really good book and it's called Never Split the Difference. And one of the things that he uses extremely effectively as part of his negotiation tactics is the concept of the ask, ask the question. So in his situation, let's suppose he was dealing with a hostage taker who is being unreasonable and he said and let's suppose the hostage taker wants a plane right?

Spiwe Jefferson:

Give me a plane, I want a helicopter that's ready to go in 20 minutes. And Chris would start asking questions like so what kind of helicopter? And you want a helicopter? Where would you like me to get it? Oh, I don't know. And then he would just start asking all the questions that, of course, the hostage taker had not thought through and did not have answers for, but he would ask the questions that would make you go yeah, that's an unreasonable thing to ask. So help me with the details of how you think I'm going to accomplish that. And it works quite well.

Spiwe Jefferson:

I find that sometimes, when I have conversations, rather than making an assumption and assuming that we're talking about the same thing, it's actually quite helpful to ask questions, because sometimes you know when something sounds like it's coming out of left field, maybe it really is, and by asking the questions it forces the other to think about what they're saying in a different light. So inquire about their needs, their concerns, inquire about even the feasibility of how they think something can be accomplished, and start getting ideas about so how is that supposed to work exactly? And then the R in here is respond, address the issue collaboratively, seeking solutions. So don't ask to belittle, don't ask to make the other person sound or feel stupid, ask out of genuine interest to find a solution and, as you respond, then address the issue in a collaborative way. I think what I'm hearing you say opposing counsel is X, and I think what you're telling me is that what your client is really trying to do is accomplish Y. I think we can get there, because my client wants Z over here, and if you back into it this way and I come at it sideways in this way, maybe between the two of us we can get 100% of what each of our clients want. And so now, if Barry was correct that this lawyer was really concerned about getting a win, now Barry has found a path to a win for both his client and the other lawyer's client, and now, perhaps, this lawyer is no longer belligerent and acting crazy and ugly towards Barry, because now, all of a sudden, we together are trying to solve this problem and get what each of our clients needs. What about that? There is, in spaces where this kind of technique has been used, there is suggestion that this approach can significantly reduce workplace conflicts, fostering a more peaceful and productive team dynamic. And so, whether you are dealing with opposing counsel or negotiating a contract with your opposing vendor, or whether you're just trying to navigate relationship dynamics with your teammates, consider using the HERE technique HALT, that's the H Empathize, ask and respond. As we wrap up, consider this Conflict isn't inherently negative.

Spiwe Jefferson:

It's often a sign of passionate engagement. Sometimes, the key is how we navigate it with clear, joyful intention. In my work environment, one of the things that I really appreciate about my team is we are all committed to the organization's success, all committed to the organization's success, and we challenge each other to come up with better ways, different ways, creative ways, innovative ways to do better every single day. And it never gets personal, but it's always focused on how do we get better, how do we do better, how do we be better, how do we be better, how do we do better for our customers, how do we show up better in the marketplace? And so we rarely.

Spiwe Jefferson:

I can't think of a time when I have faced a situation where recently certainly where I have faced a situation where I just had a colleague who was just outright behaving badly, but it happens. I've had it happen in other workplaces I had a boss a long time ago who was really led by terrorizing the employees and the staff. And had I been had, I had the hair technique. I don't know. In hindsight I don't know that it would have helped that much in that situation because she just was who she was. But at least try it. And if that doesn't work, then try other methods. Go to that. Don't Split the Difference book. Getting to yes is another really good book about negotiating. And how do you negotiate when it looks like everybody's at loggerheads and they're dug in their positions? What do you do? Between those two books you will find yourself with more than hopefully more than enough ways to address situations like this where you've got conflict that you are trying to resolve.

Spiwe Jefferson:

So your cheerful challenge for this week is to apply the here technique to a current or potential conflict situation and notice how it brings a softer, more supported energy to the interaction, and that's true whether that conflict situation is at work or at home. I think there are different things that you'd have to try. For example, you've got teenagers at home, but you could try this too. Among all of the other things that you're probably trying, Remember that effective conflict resolution is a skill. It can be learned and improved with peaceful practice. So just because you might not feel like you're that great at it doesn't mean you cannot get better and you cannot improve. With a mindful, strategic approach, you can turn potential problems into pathways for better understanding and joyful collaboration. May your workplace interactions be filled with clear communication and peaceful resolution Until next week. This is Be Weigh Saying, be mindful and be well.

James@DiscovertheVoice:

Thank you for listening to Mindful in 5. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend, follow and rate it on your favorite podcast platform. Pick up your signed copy of the book and journal from spiwejefferson. com, or unsigned copies from Amazon, Barnes and Noble or wherever you get your books. Visit spiwejefferson. spewayjeffersoncom to download sample chapters of the book, watch videos and become a mindful ninja. Join us on the LinkedIn Mindful in 5 group and share your thoughts. Until next time, be mindful and be well.